Upper Hand

If you can answer NO all of the scenarios below you are clearly a bigger man then most people I know.


1) You recently broke up with your boyfriend and realised he would be attending the same event you were. You fake tan, get your roots done and buy a new dress that makes you look 5 kilos lighter and your tits perkier. You know it wont get him back or stop him from banging that new younger version of you but hopefully he will feel a little bit of remorse when he sees you.

2) Gone out of your way to make your manager/ superior look like a total twat. For example Manager: ' I have a degree in smooth talking.'
Staff Member: ' I have a degree in spotting a wanker and your one of them.'
(events in this storie are completely true and no one was fired or punished for said remark.)

3) Having someone like you more then you like them. Say a casual bang or that person you can always call to pick you up when your drunk that you know is only doing it for the chance one day you will give them chance. There are always millions of advantages to this, better birthday presents, texts when you’re feeling lonely, a bit of something when your ready to ride the seam of your jeans, and someone you can take for dinner dates.
(sorry to anyone who has been this sad person i dont mean to offend. I'm sure we have all been both people in this situation.)

4) Dating someone or pretending to date someone or slipping into a convocation that you have some spunk you have falling at your feet. Dating someone to make someone else jealous, rebounding, showing your worth the trouble and any onther reason you would do such a thing.

5) Paid a bill or rent before the due date so you can look more responsible to your parents.

6) Secretly dressed up as ninja's and egged an arseholes house, getting huge satisfaction when you see his/her disgusted posted on facebook.

Now if you can tell me you havent been in one or more of these situations or any others you can think of I am going to call you a lier.

Ralphie...